Celeb Jihad has just learned that Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren has moved past the “I’m pissed as sh*t” stage, and on to the revenge stage of dealing with her husband’s infidelities.
According to a source close to Elin she is making plans to have revenge sex with a number of Tiger’s fellow golfers. We then threatened the source with a Jihad if she would not produce the list. This is what she gave us.
The following is a list of golfers Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren plans on letting fill her holes.
|Vijay Singh – Vijay has long been hated by Woods for trying to steal his thunder as the top racially confused golfer in the world. Elin sees Vijay as the perfect starting point for her revenge sex marathon. Plus she already has picked out the perfect pickup line “Vijay get in my Vah Jay Jay”|
|Phil Mickelson – Phil is use to coming in behind Tiger. He has been the #2 golfer in the world for years now. It will be sweet revenge for him to say “Hey I f*cked your wife” after finishing 2nd to Tiger in the majors next year. Plus his wife has tit cancer so he’s probably not getting any at home.|
|Sergio Garcia – Elin is convinced this Spanish golfer will be great in bed. Sergio is famous for taking an excessive amount of time before every shot. If that translates into the bedroom then Elin could be in for a long night of sweet sweet love making.|
|Fuzzy Zoeller – After the Masters in 1997 Fuzzy referred to Tiger Woods as “that little boy” and urged him not to order fried chicken or collard greens for the Champions Dinner next year. How pissed is Tiger going to be when he finds out that old Fuzzy birdied his wife’s hole.|
|John Daly – John likes to hit it long and hard. Elin thinks this chain smoking, binge drinking, bad boy of golf is the perfect counter balance to Tiger’s taste in porn stars.|
|Jack Nicklaus – Tiger Woods’ life ambition has been to one day beat Jack Nicklaus’ all time career major wins record. Whether Tiger is able to or not will become a moot point once Jack f*cks Tiger’s wife and f*cks her good. Elin can not wait to get plowed by this “golden bear”.|